The problem with myself is that I HATE most things that I do. I hate how I live, I hate how I never take the plunge, I hate how I can't tolerate most people in the world.
But most of all, I hate things I write. Not necessarily blog posts, but things like songs I write or any short stories.
I remember in college when everyone had to write a poem in iambic pentameter. We had a week and at first I kept writing and changing and rewriting and changing until it came to the actual day when we each had to read it out in class. I had nothing. So about ten minutes before the class started, I wrote one about the bad day I was having. I really didn't want to read it as I thought it was horrible-everyone loved it including the tutor.
When it comes to things like writing, I am a bit of a perfectionist although I know all writers, at least all GOOD writers would write and rewrite and rewrite again each and every line in a story. I do that myself but the only difference being that I am still never satisfied. "It isn't a great read" I would always find myself saying out loud.
So I would start something, thinking of an idea and being really up for it. Maybe be into it for a couple of weeks or so and then I would absolutely hate it and cringe at ever even having the idea for writing it in the first place. I once wrote a 48 page script. It took me about a month to write it and then I didn't work on it for a couple of weeks and when I went back to it, I realised how awful it was and that it needed so many changes. Too many changes. I decided to not bother with it at all and start something new. Only for then to do the same thing. I feel like all I need is a good idea and one line. Just one line to get me going. I don't know why. Most of the times, I would want people to read a story. A short one. That would maybe take half an hour. A full read in one sitting and for them to go "Woah." Imagine someone going to work on the bus and there being no newspapers available to read but hold on a minute, they have a short story in their bag. They could read that. And then it's the "Woah. That was amazing." thought that I want readers to have. Then on the way back from work, they choose to read it again-even when newspapers ARE available. They would get home and put in in a nice safe place ready to be read again some time soon. It was THAT good. So good that they have to tell someone about it. Then that other person could do the same. I want to write something like that. To write some THINGS like that.
I did write a completed one a few years ago. I showed it to a good few people who were friends. Some thought it was amazing, some didn't. Some didn't even read it so there was no hope there. If your own friends can't be bothered to read it then what hope have you got in getting other people to read it?
At first I thought that there was no hope.
But then after thinking about it, it doesn't mean to say that there is no hope just because some of my friends didn't bother reading it. Those friends who didn't read it are either idiots or people who just don't like reading things that aren't off a social networking site. It is fair enough. It is personal choice. The same with a person I knew who gave it to an editor who apparently hated it and slated it. At first I was feeling so down about it but again after thinking about it, it is just one editor-one person-one idiot who happened to not like it. Screw him/her. It doesn't mean to say that there aren't more people out there who won't like it.
And that right there is the inspiration.
Even if there is just ONE person out there in the world who thinks it is amazing, then that is enough. The masses don't matter. They never have to me.
So just starting a new story is not enough. I need to start a new story that leads into a completed story. Let the people decide if it is good-those who choose to read it. After all, how can someone have an opinion of something that doesn't even exist?
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