I am now 30.

It's so weird as I am pretty much at the same place I was 6 years ago. No job at the moment. Not really too much to look forward to.

I was thinking about how many people I have met during my whole lifetime and there have been a lot. I deleted exactly a total of 60 people from my phone over the past few days. These were people who either I didn't bother with too much or more so THEY didn't bother with me anymore however I just know that if I happened to bump into one of them on the street tomorrow they would say something along the lines of "You still have my number don't you" and I would reply "No I deleted you from my phone" and then they would say "Why did you delete me?"

I am not one to lie or to twist the truth or anything so I would have to say back "Because I could not be arsed with you anymore."

There are a good few people who I have lost touch with somehow who I kept thinking were amazing and meant something to me. But if they truly were amazing then where are they? They all know where I live and have my address and I think that if they really wanted to, then they could get in touch. So even to them as of right now-I cannot be arsed anymore.

I also keep thinking how maybe I need a change of scenery to sort of kick start again and seeing as I am now unemployed, have been looking for jobs in Leicester which is around 100 miles away as I know someone who needs a housemate. I think it will do me good. However getting any kind of job these days is difficult and even more difficult for someone like me it seems to stay in one. It's almost as if I like making things difficult for myself. What a weird way to live life.

It's difficult not to look at what people have achieved in their lives by the time they are 30. Not just people who are actors/musicians/writers or other sort of celebrities but just your average everyday people. It's also difficult not to compare myself to these people and feel disappointed in myself.

When I used to work in a pub and did day shifts, I would always see the regulars who would pretty much just sit there all day time drinking and then going home to sleep it off only to come back the next day to do the same thing. I always wondered to myself when did life get like this for them and why? What makes them want to hide away from the world in a shabby pub? It was because for whatever reasons, they had given up on life.

I know that a lot of people judge a man by his success and what he has achieved. Although in some cases, it is not what he has achieved which should be judged on, but how he copes with his failures and losses. How he deals with life when the cards don't come up his way.