Being 30

Everyone who is older than 30 keeps saying to me "It's not that bad is it turning 30."
Everyone who is younger than 30 keeps saying to me "Ooooh, I'll be 30 soon."

I think it is different when by a certain age, you feel like you should have achieved more than you have. I cannot even frigging drive yet and now I don't know when I'll be able to pay for lessons now I have no job.

Some people would say "But driving isn't important. There's enough public transport blah blah blah"

I'm not saying it is important, I am saying that it is something that I should have done a long time ago but I didn't. The same for a lot of things on the list. That was the whole point of it. I always moan about being miserable and how things don't work out but at the same time, sometimes you have to make things work. Or at least try.

I know that things aren't and won't ever be easy. My list isn't like the list in the TV programme My name is Earl. It's not like it's that where it's a comedy and everything bad he has done in his life, he puts right and good things then happen to him. I don't even believe in karma anymore. Not like I used to. I just feel like I have been a huge disappointment and it is just about making myself a better person. I have always thought that this is what everyone should do. Make themselves a better person by doing whatever it is that makes them better.

I have been 30 years old now for a week and that week has gone so fast. Just like the last 10 years of my life. My birthday weekend was pretty amazing. It was a real pick me up after weeks of dreading turning the big 30 but now I am very much back down to reality and really have to focus. I think I always seem to have my head up in the clouds a lot and whilst everyone is making a life for themselves, I seem to be stuck in one place. Not just one place as an environment but also mentally. Why is this?