1 Bungee-jumped in a third world country
Kate- Too sensible for skydiving or abseiling. Went to Chile on her gap year but helped build a
fire station. 0
Matthew- Once tarzaned through a Jamaican jungle on a zip wire. 1 (He gave himself a point for this,
even though bungee-jumping and a zip wire are two different things)
Me- No. I went to India when I was 6 years old. That was the last time I went abroad. No
bungee-jumping was involved. 0
2 Pulled Pints
Kate- Earned £5:25p per hour as a barmaid at Henley regatta. 1
Matthew- Ran a hotel bar in Italy 1
Me- Probably pulled more pints then both of them together. Regardless of how posh or where that
may have been. 1
3 Passed driving test
Kate- Drives a blue Audi A3: Also has a chauffeur. 1
Matthew- Failed theory test once, passed full test 3rd time. 1
Me- Passed my theory test over 2 yeas ago. Never took my practical. Have to redo everything.
What a loser. 0
4 Got a proper job
Kate- Was an accessories buyer for Jigsaw which belonged to friends. 0
Mathew- Served on the delicatessen counter at Waitrose, Abington. 0
Me- Probably had 10 times as many jobs as these two spoilt buffoons put together. Also have
1000 times less money in my bank account than these 2 spoilt buffoons would have in a
bank account that they forgot to have. 1
5 Inhaled
Kate- Never been known to have smoked. 0
Matthew- Can't say. Parents might be reading. 0
Me- Never inhaled anything but air. It has now occurred to me that Matthew is an idiot. 0
6 Been kicked out of a party
Kate- Left Mahiki at 3am, but never forcibly removed. 0
Matthew- Has worked as a gossip columnist. 1
Me- Been kicked out. Not for being drunk. Just for being who I am. 1
7 Had a scrape with the police
Kate- Once mooned out of a boarding school window. 1
Matthew- Charged with dangerous driving, aged 19. Got off with a caution. 1
Me- Stealing batteries from Woolworths when I was 15. (Was out of sheer boredom). 1
8 Bedded a royal
Kate- No baby news yet, though the odds of a birth this year have been slashed to 1/2. 1
Matthew- No gentleman would comment. 0
Me- The closest I was and will ever be to "bedding a royal" was when I stared at Pippa
Middletons' arse for about 5 minutes on television When everyone was raving about it. It
is definitely better than Kates' non-existent one 0
9 Drank a 1982 Grande Cru Classe
Kate- Drank vintage Don Perrignon for 10 years. 1
Matthew- Opened a 1982 Chateau Carbonnieux one birthday. It was corked. 1
Me- Up yours you rich snobs. 0
10 Been to Glastonbury
Kate- Cowes week is more her scene. 0
Matthew- Never got organised in time. 0
Me- No. 0
11 Left home
Kate- Parents bought her a flat in Chelsea, though she moved back to Berkshire when hounded by
the press. 1
Matthew- Never looked back. 1
Me- Never looked forward. Left for 2 weeks and then came back. 0
12 Holidayed in the Caribbean
Kate- Mustique is practically a second home. 1
Matthew- Once sailed past Mustique on a press trip. 1
Me- Again, fuck off you privileged idiots. (Can anyone see a theme here) 0
13 Thrown a party for 300
Kate- The wedding was watched by 3 billion. The after-party was for 300. 1
Matthew- Invited 200. 100 turned up. 0
Me- I have about 6 friends. 0
14 Appeared in a national newspaper
Kate- First linked to William in the press in 2002, has endured a decade of media attention. 1
Matthew- Joined the Independent on Sunday 4 years ago. 1
Me- I am not important. 0
15 Fallen in love
Kate- Of course. 1
Matthew- Whatever "in love" means. 0
Me- About 9 years ago. Forgotten what the fuck it is like. 1
16 Fallen out of love
Kate- Of course not. 0
Matthew- Often. 1
Me- Yes, otherwise it would have had to have been suicide. 1
17 Appeared on television
Kate- Gave her first interview to ITVs Tom Bradby in 2002. 1
Back of head visible in news footage of the 2003 anti-war march. 1
Me- No. 0
18 Been on a road trip
Kate- Several safaris in Kenya. 1
Matthew- Crossed The Sahara in a Ford Escort. 1
Me- Can't drive (Yet) and don't have friends with cars who are remotely adventurous. 0
19 Lived abroad
Kate- Lived in Florence for 3 months of her gap year. 1
Matthew- Lived in Paris and Italy. 1
Me- No. Never. Read number 11. 0
20 Had pretentious arguments about philosophy until the small hours
Kate- William did a course in Moral Philosophy so it seems likely. 1
Matthew- It depends on what you mean by Philosophy. 0
Me- Had arguments-still do. Until the small hours-but never pretentious. 0
21 Started a novel
Kate- Not known to have expressed an interest in writing. 0
Matthew- At least three. 1
Me- It's on my list too. The only thing from this shit list which is on mine. But I have started. 1
22 Been in a band
Kate- Great Grandparents were talented musicians though Kate's not know to have expressed an
interest. 0
Matthew- Joined The Minibeasts aged nine. 1
Me- Yes, a couple of bands. 1
23 Taken part in a demonstration because your friends did
Kate- Never been on a demonstration. 0
Matthew- Was in two minds on the Iraq war but marched all the same. 1
Me- Don't really have many friends. 0
24 Joined the scouts
Kate- Became a volunteer scout leader last week, just in the nick of time. 1
Matthew- Er, no. 0
Me- I have things to do in my life. 0
25 Seen New York
Kate- Spent two weeks in 2009 to work with photographer Annie Leibovitz's muse,
Count Nikolai Von Bismarck, learning about abstract photography. 1
Matthew- Once. 1
Me- I planned to go for my 30th. But I have no friends or enough money. 0
26 Bought a house
Kate- Was given a flat in Chelsea, then a palace in Kensington. 0
Matthew- Still a lodger. 0
Me- Even worse than Matthew and still at home. Can someone give me a flat or a palace? 0
27 Attended four weddings and a funeral
Kate- Among the many weddings she has attended are: Hugh Van Cutsem and Rose Astor;
Peter Phillips and Autumn Kelly; Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall; her own – but no public
funerals yet. 0
Matthew- Feels like 44 weddings. 0
Me- A funeral last month-a wedding reception before that. I have been to 4 weddings.
Although why this is on this idiots' list just like a lot of the things is beyond me. 1
28 Reinvented yourself
Kate- Once Catherine, then Kate, now back to Catherine. 1
Matthew- Several times. Trying to cut down. 1
Me- Grew a kick-ass beard. Can Kate do that? In saying that-can Matthew?? 1
29 Inherited
Kate- The Middletons' mysterious wealth is partly down to inheritance. 1
Matthew- Inherited a Citroen BX from a grandparent. 1
Me- Never inherited and I would like to keep it that way. How this can be on a list of "Things to
do" doesn't even make sense. To think this idiot writes for The Independent. How? 0
30 Raved on a Thai beach
Kate- Kept it very secret if she has. 0
Matthew- Plans to do likewise. 1
Me- I am so glad that I am nothing like these two. 0
Kate 18/30
Matthew 21/30
Me 10/30
So what have we learnt from this article and about me? Well, we have learnt from the article that the articles' writer seems to be a bit of a jackass. Also, when he plans to do one of the things on his list-he gives himself a point for it. Seeing as I have planned to do my 30 things, should I give myself 30 points for my own list?? Why would you give yourself a mark saying you have done it when you have only planned to do it?? Is he that stupid?? It also seems that if you want to do a lot of things on this list then you either have to have had a silver spoon in your mouth when you were born or at least one shoved up your backside. I am so glad and grateful that I am not like Matthew.
What else have we learnt about me and just stuff in general? That to have a good life, you must be privileged and rich?? No, not at all. To have a good life is about making yourself happy no matter what your situations or circumstances may be. Sometimes, it is just the little things that matter. For example, I would've hated to have inhaled or rave on a Thai beach (is he for real?). Plus I am not even sure what a Grande Cru Classe even is and I really can't be bothered to find out. Some kind of overpriced crappy drink. Who cares?
Anyway, reading this bad article in this otherwise excellent newspaper actually put some things into perspective. That was probably the only good thing about this article.
