30 things to do by the time you are 30

If you notice the slight title change then it is a good thing because it means that you are observant. You will see the difference in the subjects, you will see that the list is completely different (which is fair enough) but also how strange and messed up peoples' minds can actually be. I saw this article written by some guy called Matthew Bell. He seemed excited about the fact that the following day was the 30th birthday of Kate Middleton and he compiled his very own 30 things to do by the time you are 30. From the list, he wrote which ones he'd done and which ones Kate has done. I am going to add myself in it. Article from The Independent on Sunday (8th January 2012). If they have a number 1 next to it, according to Matthew Bell, it means they have done it. (The writing goes funny after I post it but I don't know how to sort it.)

1   Bungee-jumped in a third world country

      

      Kate-       Too sensible for skydiving or abseiling. Went to Chile on her gap year but helped build a   

                        fire station. 0

      Matthew- Once tarzaned through a Jamaican jungle on a zip wire. 1 (He gave himself a point for this,

                        even though bungee-jumping and a zip wire are two different things)

      Me-          No. I went to India when I was 6 years old. That was the last time I went abroad. No

                        bungee-jumping was involved. 0

2   Pulled Pints

     Kate-        Earned £5:25p per hour as a barmaid at Henley regatta. 1

     Matthew- Ran a hotel bar in Italy 1

     Me-          Probably pulled more pints then both of them together. Regardless of how posh or where that

                      may have been. 1

3   Passed driving test

    Kate-        Drives a blue Audi A3: Also has a chauffeur. 1

    Matthew- Failed theory test once, passed full test 3rd time. 1

    Me-          Passed my theory test over 2 yeas ago. Never took my practical. Have to redo everything.

                     What a loser. 0

4   Got a proper job

    Kate-       Was an accessories buyer for Jigsaw which belonged to friends. 0

    Mathew-  Served on the delicatessen counter at Waitrose, Abington. 0

    Me-          Probably had 10 times as many jobs as these two spoilt buffoons put together. Also have

                     1000 times less money in my bank account than these 2 spoilt buffoons would have in a

                     bank account that they forgot to have. 1

 5   Inhaled

     Kate-        Never been known to have smoked. 0

     Matthew- Can't say. Parents might be reading. 0

     Me-          Never inhaled anything but air. It has now occurred to me that Matthew is an idiot. 0

6   Been kicked out of a party

    Kate-        Left Mahiki at 3am, but never forcibly removed. 0

    Matthew- Has worked as a gossip columnist. 1

    Me-          Been kicked out. Not for being drunk. Just for being who I am. 1

7    Had a scrape with the police

    Kate-       Once mooned out of a boarding school window. 1

    Matthew- Charged with dangerous driving, aged 19. Got off with a caution. 1

    Me-  Stealing batteries from Woolworths when I was 15. (Was out of sheer boredom). 1

8    Bedded a royal

    Kate-        No baby news yet, though the odds of a birth this year have been slashed to 1/2. 1

    Matthew-  No gentleman would comment. 0

    Me-          The closest I was and will ever be to "bedding a royal" was when I stared at Pippa

                      Middletons' arse for about 5 minutes on television When everyone was raving about it. It 

                      is definitely better than Kates' non-existent one 0

9    Drank a 1982 Grande Cru Classe

     Kate-        Drank vintage Don Perrignon for 10 years. 1

     Matthew- Opened a 1982 Chateau Carbonnieux one birthday. It was corked. 1

     Me-          Up yours you rich snobs. 0

10  Been to Glastonbury

     Kate-       Cowes week is more her scene. 0

     Matthew- Never got organised in time. 0

     Me-          No. 0

11  Left home

     Kate-       Parents bought her a flat in Chelsea, though she moved back to Berkshire when hounded by   

                     the press. 1

     Matthew- Never looked back. 1

     Me-         Never looked forward. Left for 2 weeks and then came back. 0

12   Holidayed in the Caribbean

     Kate-       Mustique is practically a second home. 1

     Matthew- Once sailed past Mustique on a press trip. 1

     Me-          Again, fuck off you privileged idiots. (Can anyone see a theme here) 0

13   Thrown a party for 300

      Kate-        The wedding was watched by 3 billion. The after-party was for 300. 1

      Matthew-  Invited 200. 100 turned up. 0

      Me-           I have about 6 friends. 0

14   Appeared in a national newspaper

      Kate-         First linked to William in the press in 2002, has endured a decade of media attention. 1

      Matthew-  Joined the Independent on Sunday 4 years ago. 1

      Me-           I am not important. 0

15   Fallen in love

      Kate-         Of course. 1

      Matthew-   Whatever "in love" means. 0

      Me-            About 9 years ago. Forgotten what the fuck it is like. 1

16   Fallen out of love 

       Kate-        Of course not. 0

       Matthew-  Often. 1

       Me-           Yes, otherwise it would have had to have been suicide. 1

17   Appeared on television

       Kate-         Gave her first interview to ITVs Tom Bradby in 2002. 1

   Back of head visible in news footage of the 2003 anti-war march. 1

       Me-           No. 0

18   Been on a road trip

       Kate-         Several safaris in Kenya. 1

       Matthew-  Crossed The Sahara in a Ford Escort. 1

       Me-           Can't drive (Yet) and don't have friends with cars who are remotely adventurous. 0

19   Lived abroad

       Kate-         Lived in Florence for 3 months of her gap year. 1

       Matthew-   Lived in Paris and Italy. 1

       Me-            No. Never. Read number 11. 0

20    Had pretentious arguments about philosophy until the small hours

       Kate-         William did a course in Moral Philosophy so it seems likely. 1

       Matthew-   It depends on what you mean by Philosophy. 0

       Me-            Had arguments-still do. Until the small hours-but never pretentious. 0

21   Started a novel

       Kate-        Not known to have expressed an interest in writing. 0

       Matthew- At least three. 1

       Me-          It's on my list too. The only thing from this shit list which is on mine. But I have started. 1

22   Been in a band

       Kate-       Great Grandparents were talented musicians though Kate's not know to have expressed an

                        interest. 0

       Matthew- Joined The Minibeasts aged nine. 1

       Me-          Yes, a couple of bands. 1

23   Taken part in a demonstration because your friends did

       Kate-        Never been on a demonstration. 0

       Matthew- Was in two minds on the Iraq war but marched all the same. 1

       Me-           Don't really have many friends. 0

24   Joined the scouts

       Kate-        Became a volunteer scout leader last week, just in the nick of time. 1

       Matthew- Er, no. 0

       Me-          I have things to do in my life. 0

25   Seen New York

      Kate-          Spent two weeks in 2009 to work with photographer Annie Leibovitz's muse, 

                       Count Nikolai Von Bismarck, learning about abstract photography. 1

      Matthew- Once. 1

      Me-          I planned to go for my 30th. But I have no friends or enough money. 0

26   Bought a house

       Kate-        Was given a flat in Chelsea, then a palace in Kensington. 0

       Matthew- Still a lodger. 0

       Me-          Even worse than Matthew and still at home. Can someone give me a flat or a palace? 0

27   Attended four weddings and a funeral

       Kate-        Among the many weddings she has attended are: Hugh Van Cutsem and Rose Astor; 

                         Peter Phillips and Autumn Kelly; Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall; her own – but no public

                         funerals yet. 0

       Matthew- Feels like 44 weddings. 0

       Me-          A funeral last month-a wedding reception before that. I have been to 4 weddings.

                        Although why this is on this idiots' list just like a lot of the things is beyond me. 1

28   Reinvented yourself

       Kate-        Once Catherine, then Kate, now back to Catherine. 1

       Matthew- Several times. Trying to cut down. 1

       Me-          Grew a kick-ass beard. Can Kate do that? In saying that-can Matthew?? 1

29   Inherited

       Kate-        The Middletons' mysterious wealth is partly down to inheritance. 1

       Matthew-  Inherited a Citroen BX from a grandparent. 1

       Me-           Never inherited and I would like to keep it that way. How this can be on a list of "Things to 

                         do" doesn't even make sense. To think this idiot writes for The Independent. How? 0

30   Raved on a Thai beach

       Kate-         Kept it very secret if she has. 0

       Matthew-   Plans to do likewise. 1

       Me-            I am so glad that I am nothing like these two. 0

       Kate        18/30
       Matthew  21/30
       Me          10/30


So what have we learnt from this article and about me? Well, we have learnt from the article that the articles' writer seems to be a bit of a jackass. Also, when he plans to do one of the things on his list-he gives himself a point for it. Seeing as I have planned to do my 30 things, should I give myself 30 points for my own list?? Why would you give yourself a mark saying you have done it when you have only planned to do it?? Is he that stupid?? It also seems that if you want to do a lot of things on this list then you either have to have had a silver spoon in your mouth when you were born or at least one shoved up your backside. I am so glad and grateful that I am not like Matthew.


What else have we learnt about me and just stuff in general? That to have a good life, you must be privileged  and rich?? No, not at all. To have a good life is about making yourself happy no matter what your situations or circumstances may be. Sometimes, it is just the little things that matter. For example, I would've hated to have inhaled or rave on a Thai beach (is he for real?). Plus I am not even sure what a Grande Cru Classe even is and I really can't be bothered to find out. Some kind of overpriced crappy drink. Who cares?

Anyway, reading this bad article in this otherwise excellent newspaper actually put some things into perspective. That was probably the only good thing about this article.